realization

I've figured out why architecture has been such a struggle for me.

All my life drawing has been second nature to me. As soon as I could pick up a pencil, a crayon, a marker I've been drawing things from life, from imagination, always drawing. Architecture isn't so different from art, people say. In a way they're right but at the same time they are so, so wrong. Thinking spatially on a large scale is highly different from creating landscapes, figures and scenery from your head. Envisioning a three dimensional object that works programmatically, spatially, functionally and beautifully is a long, difficult process. For me, at least. Visual art and illustration come to me as readily as breathing. Architecture is more like craning my neck, turning my head and straining my eyes to see something far off into the distance. Not the best analogy, but it's something I really have to work hard on, and even so I am usually never satisfied with the results.

Maybe a part of me resents the fact that architecture ISN'T second nature to me. I don't feel like I've poured my soul into any of my works at school and I believe that is one of the roots of the problem. However, after having Thom Mayne of Morphosis sit on my jury for my final project this past semester, I had more hope for myself after listening to his critique. After pointing out a few key areas I could have developed more, he told me my project was simple, elegant, and beautiful. Which is one of the greatest compliments anyone can hope to receive in any field of design. To know I hadn't utterly failed in the eyes of someone whom I consider one of the finest contemporary architects of today, means something, means so much.

I'm always worried that because I possess a short attention span for things, (which comes more out of finding interest in other things & overlapping/overriding the previous interest - than being flighty/uncommitted) architecture is not for me. The profession of creating monuments, structures and master plans of cities requires a lifelong dedication and passion, and for someone who's more of a free spirit I feel so weighed down and doomed, yet also excited about this - because there definitely can be lightness and playfulness to architecture.

I hate giving up though. When something really matters to me I start what I finish regardless of what my personality compels me to do. I'm three and a half years into my education at USC for architecture, and there's no stopping me now. Whatever happens, whatever path I choose to take, I'm going to pour myself into what I do, mostly out of love for what it is I do and also because I will not let myself fail. In anything.