stable & steady

I like to think I'm in firm control of my mind, but inevitably I fall into moments of weakness where I'll be seized with a panic because of some words uttered by someone else that triggers irrational fear or worry to gnaw at me for an extended period of time. It is truly irritating because while outwardly to people who don't know me too well I would seem cool & level-headed- a person who doesn't get fazed easily, the people I do know well then experience the brunt of the fear and anxiety that will be pestering me at any given moment. This is why I'm drawn to people with mental and emotional strength, ones with a steady hand, a steady head, a steady bearing, who don't sweat over small things but live for simple pleasures that keep them high and dry. To put it in other terms, I feel like at times I'm an unstable element waiting or working for that last electron to get me stable (the image of buzzing electrons set off this analogy). Or in terms of sturdy things - I have many rocks and pillars in my life to be there for me and to keep me up, but I would also like to be that rock for people, a sturdy, reliable rock. I'm getting there, I think.