more drawings

Here are six of the drawings I was scrambling to finish over the past few weeks. I drew nine total, but didn't scan in the last three, which works out well because they would totally give away where I essentially grew up. I guess that statement is silly because I'm assuming I still have full anonymity here, but it's fun to pretend!

What else can I say? Three of these are schools, one is a park, and two are historically significant landmarks. The three I omitted are of yet another two schools, and a very special garden.

I had a lot of fun drawing these! I feel like I honed some skills on this exercise, but could further improve on values, texture, and not outlining too much/trying to include everything. My favorite trick was taking a break from architectural elements to focus on foliage and plant matter, and when I tired of that I would go back to the building with fresh eyes. I had many a night that I would groan in frustration every hour on the hour, but it's the good frustration, the one where you know you got yourself into this situation and it's all up to you to pull through and own up to your project and deliver it as powerfully as you can. Yes, it felt like undergrad studio again, which was 1000x more difficult/complex than this, so...by those standards, this project was no sweat.

analog blogging

Over the last few months I've taken to writing my thoughts down in a real journal again, when pouring out a river of personal thoughts is scandalously (hah!) inappropriate for the blog, or when a listening ear is hard to reach. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to depend on others for support, which is NOT to say I have crappy friends or acquaintances. I get that everyone's got their own thing going on (especially as most of the people I'm referring to are in their twenties), and it isn't that simple anymore to grab a close friend after lecture/studio/work and have a meaningful chat/heart-to-heart/venting session. And even in the face of others, sometimes I feel a little self-conscious about discussing certain issues, in fears of sounding like a whining, self-centered, immature adolescent. It's a little disconcerting when I can provide solace or advice to someone else when I feel like I could use more control over my own problems.

I may be being a little harsh on myself though. And I'm definitely being hypocritical/contradictory in talking about the trickiness of meeting up with others, when I've managed to meet up with J twice in the last several weeks. (I am very much being the unreliable narrator here, bear with me.) In our discussions J and I noticed that one trait we both share is being extremely critical of ourselves, and having high expectations for ourselves in every endeavor or task we're given/set on achieving. I don't mean to sound so lofty in that statement - I'm know a ton of people are like this. My point is, upon going back and forth in our conversation, she and I realized, from taking a few steps back and looking at ourselves, we are doing fine; but out of wanting more, faster - dissatisfaction quickly sets in, and all we can focus on is what can be improved upon.

Angsty thoughts aside, the act of slowing down and putting my rambling down to paper is really soothing. Sometimes when I feel like it I'll doodle a sketch alongside the writing. Some days it's a sketch and nothing else. I try to do one every day, but realistically it's more like every couple of days that I get something substantial down, when thoughts have been brewing and bubbling and are ready to boil over. Some days I know nobody really cares to know about a blooming bud of mine, or another tired criticism of L.A. culture, or that I think of and miss someone way more than I can bear to admit.

I'm alright though. These words reek of self-pity and despair, but I'm not as sad or bitter or negative as I seem. Maybe I'm taking myself a little too seriously, sure, but that pendulum of mine takes mighty swings between being utterly goofy and inane to almost Dostoevskian depths. I'm laughing at me too, now. Sometimes all it takes for me to snap out of this is to make fun of myself/let it all out. :)

pen, ink, music

1. Projects!

2. Pen pal packages! 

Phew! Excuse my lapses here...sometimes I think about things I want to share, then feel like such a thing would be over-sharing, or insignificant. Other times I think about writing something down, then lose interest almost immediately/something else catches my eye and I walk away. I've had a slow-down of taking pictures, or even having my camera on me, which seems to consistently happen once a year for a short burst of time.

I've been drawing a LOT, and I try to make time to every day. I have this project in my mind that I need to bring to completion for my own, personal satisfaction. Friend-wise, I have been keeping it up with my long-distance ones (letters, mixtapes, presents!), and I reconnect in a cyclical fashion with old friends who are close by, but busy in their own right. Busy busy scrambling around trying to make things work, trying to learn, trying to live without losing sight, taking care of body, mind, heart, there is so much happening, so much to do! I'm trying to stay on top of things, I hope you are, too!

organization/inspiration

1. Flea market finds from GCC. The highlight/downfall of no longer having to work on Sunday mornings.
2. A little project I finally got to complete for a pen pal, whew. Sometimes I wish inspiration/my motivation wasn't so fickle.

I like pretty old things (but who doesn't?!) and nowadays I gravitate toward pretty old useful things. The textbook is probably not-so-useful to me, but reminded me of a certain someone. The drawings were included with a mix-tape (mix-cd...) for an awesome friend who I hope to meet for real, in person, in the near future with my sister. Someday! It makes me happy to be able to connect to and cultivate friendships with people, whether in face-to-face interactions or through the Internet. And then the excitement of new friends will remind me of the old friends, and just rolls me through the cycle of catching up with said seasoned friendships. Mind you this isn't a cut-and-dry formula - just thoughts of the moment. I'm really trying for consistency though.

send me artichokes

I have been obsessed with artichokes for 3 months or so now.

my friends in their rooms

Sometimes inspiration strikes, and even if it's really late at night and you have work the next day, you have to utilize it. I have more of these in mind, but many of my other friends' rooms are... in transit, for lack of a better term. These are rather clumsy, but it feels good to draw. Catharsis/expression!