instagram

I was really opposed to joining Instagram when I finally got a smartphone over a year ago for all the reasons that, if I repeat now, just make me as insufferable and obnoxious as any soapboxer on Facebook shouting their opinion (though we're all entitled to our opinions!), but to get down to the crux of it I didn't really see the appeal of (A) yet another microblogging platform, and (B) another extreme way to attention whore/humblebrag/blatantly brag about your goings-on. But now, having been an Instagram user for about five months, my opinions have shifted a bit. Given who you follow, I see it more now as seeing the world through other peoples' eyes, which I guess anybody would say "DUH" to. Unfortunately I chose to regard this app negatively before giving it a chance, which is just a character flaw on my part. Better late than never they say.

Something that saddens me though is when I see a lapse of updates on a blog, only to investigate and realize that said blogger has been so busy with real life that updating has understandably slowed, but the effortlessness and ease of Instagram smoothly bridges that gap one faces with the clunkiness of blogging and the time it usually requires. I get it though, and (drumroll) perhaps I've been guilty of turning to Instagram instead of my blog lately too. But in my case I don't have hundreds or thousands of readers wondering what I must be doing!


And obviously, Instagram is fun. It brings people together (cheesy I know) - one of my best friends who has been off of Facebook for years had been on Instagram instead, so upon joining I feel that extra step of closeness that e-mailing kind of lacks! And another friend I made on the Internet asked me, a day or two after I joined, if I use Instagram, so we became friends there, too! :X


There have been tons of contemporary studies (none of which I can link you to) on the psychological effects of Facebook in that frequenting the site often invokes feelings of inadequacy/jealousy/all those terrible angsty feelings of being un-included, or not doing something fun/amazing like that person on your friends list, and overall makes you really dissatisfied with your own life/accomplishments. That's the worst of what happens I guess. For me I just feel a little wistful that the people I would really like to hear more updates from have wised up and rarely say/post anything on Facebook, or have abandoned it entirely! Inevitably I've been pulling farther away from Facebook, and realized that Instagram is a good stand-in, because when it's just pared down to pictures/hashtags, there's slightly less annoyingness present in users' posts (still on the fence about that statement).

This is really kind of an annoying entry in that I've been discussing a subject that has been diced and angled to pieces...and I apologize for it, but at least, true to the form and function of the application I'm talking about - you, the viewer, can let the words fade to the background and simply look at the pictures instead. 

And because I hate things without context/sources:

1. The Wiltern Theater (beautiful Art Deco building) & glowing hen&chick succulents (I filched one!)

2. An evening spent bike riding with my sister - RIDE OR DIE, and risky self-portraiture habits.

3. Last month was all about mint - plucking armfuls of it, drying it out, and storing it in glass jars for forthcoming weeks of mint tea, just like my grandma loves to do!

4. Documenting things at work, and a shot of Alcatraz from a friend who visited SF and sent me shots of the city coupled with quotes from the Rock, so good.

5. I've been going to lots of music shows too...this was Maps & Atlases at the Echo (!!!) and I never tire of seeing them. Then another shadow selfie that I snapped when I saw the proportion of shadow to light, that I liked.

Even though I've seemingly made my peace with Instagram, here's to hoping there's less of these kinds of posts and more...regular blog type of things on their way.

note to self

Don't ever treat someone like s/he is lower than you because of their occupation, socioeconomic standing, education level, etc. Especially if you end up becoming filthy rich (I only target the wealthy here because these are the ones I observe putting others down in this way, but I'm widely generalizing) and somehow, God forbid, forget about how to treat people decently. It's not the fucking 17th century, times are always changing, but regardless of history, people should treat others the way they want to be treated. Rich old overprivileged people, I fear the possibility that you have spawned and passed down your ways - quit making the world a terrible place. Money does not equal class, don't ever forget.

*I'd also like to mention that when you encounter a stranger, you probably don't know anything about their experience, circumstances and background, even if you think you do. It's hard to say not to judge, but if you're going to be an awful person about it, toss off! done ranting for real now.

with or without a home?

I was hesitant to post these shots I took of a homeless person's home under a bridge today because it felt so invasive (right, not that photography is almost inherently invasive), which is why they're not more carefully taken and much closer to the hasty snapshots that are indicative of the moment.

The space struck me much in the way photos of peoples' homes as taken by The Selby and other peek-into-your-closet/house photo blogs do, because despite the shabby or unglamorous circumstances everything is organized into its own place. Tarps as carpet, complete with welcome mat, a neatly made bed with stuffed animals that double (I think) as pillows, flip flops at the foot of the bed and toiletries to the side, and the living room further off to the left of the bed complete with cooler, a book and armchair. I'm not glamorizing or praising the setup or capabilities of the occupant, or am I? I think I'm more touched by the concept of home despite not being in a conventional house, as well as the adaptability of a person and the reminder that the homeless are still human...

Homelessness has been a rampant issue in L.A. for as long as I can remember. I think I read somewhere that the mild California winters and overall pleasant weather makes it easier for people to make it through, which is why there are so many thousands of homeless encampments and individual shelters scattered about the city. My first reactions to the homeless while growing up were repulsion, then pity, scorn, and apathy, but now my reactions occur on a case-by-case basis. Who am I to judge them? But then again don't I have the right to fear for my safety when a particularly belligerent fellow or lady bellows at me from across the way? I'm not out on a mission to 'solve' the homeless problem, and sometimes I get away with the rationalization that they could be so much worse off. You'd be surprised at how generous people can be to the homeless, if they're panning the right neighborhoods. And I have a great story from a friend who offered a panhandler half a CPK pizza only to have the guy say "No thanks, I'm a vegetarian"... sheesh! Then again, I have no idea what it is like to be homeless, and am lucky for it. Overall I just try to be kind without getting hustled too hard, mentally recite a quick prayer for them and then move on while being grateful for my own circumstances and living situation. It is humbling to be reminded now and again that so many of us, despite our current problems and woes, have so much that is probably taken for granted.

the long beach flea

Went to the Long Beach Flea this past Sunday. The last time I had gone was last summer so that justified making the trip out with my mom even though I keep telling myself I should keep the spending to a minimum. My sister asked me the night before the excursion if I could please keep an eye out for nice chains to hang pendants from, which was so funny because those were already on my mental list. My sister and I both have lots and lots of pendants and a scarcity of quality chains to hang them from. I realized quickly enough that it's hard to find simple, silver chains but there is a huge abundance of gold/gold-tone gaudy ones to pick from. I managed to find a good chain for her with a giant medallion from Colombia on it as pictured on her blog, and found one for myself with a strange pendant on it that I realized right away as the trusty hammer of the Norse god Thor. I also got a beautiful sea-green glass fishing float which I secretly pretend is one of those glass orbs in The Department of Mysteries in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and I spend a few minutes every day gazing at it when I am taking a break from being busy. The keys and chain sans-penny charm are atop a crumbling copy of Oscar Wilde's Dorian Gray and the metal items were had for a mere $2. Last thoughts - I'd like to color code my bookshelves but then the genres and authors would get all mixed up and the thought of that terrifies me, so I'll keep the color coding confined to my t-shirts and underwear drawer.

moving on

This is a basil chiffonade. Basically a bunch of basil leaves stacked on top of one another then sliced into beautiful fragrant ribbons. (I didn't roll them as one should, but instead just folded it in half and then sliced).

This past weekend was incredibly frustrating and grueling, to the point that I don't want to talk about it with anybody. I hadn't expressed so much true, real rage in so long, I think I was physically drained yesterday (that or it was allergies). I hate being forced to do anything, especially growing up. I know as a youngish twenty-something I'm closer and closer to adulthood but I'm not an idiot - what makes me want to jump into adulthood when I feel like I've barely lived?! But anyway, it is time to move on and let go of things. I watched Top Gun again for the first time in 15 years and it was life-changing! Burning homemade sage incense (a family friend recently brought me a Trader Joe's-bagful of it!) calms me down as much as a small helping of honey whiskey before bed. Haha, these are a 'few of my favorite things.'

splooge

Today equaled unproductivity at its best. I worked for two hours this morning, then drove out to Pasadena with my boss for lunch with another architect whose two interns are fellow classmates. I feel lucky because my boss is, in my humble opinion, a more interesting person (architect?) with less passive-aggressive tendencies, and to put an irrelevant spin on it, better-looking too. He doesn't have the amount of work this other dude does but I like his style more anyway. uh huh...

Then we come back to the office and the others have uncorked a few bottles of wine... my first time having a bit of 'Turley' which is smooth and wonderfully drinkable... at $50 a bottle it's probably one of the nicest wines I've ever had. The asian glow sets in and everyone laughs at me, and since I'm terrible at holding my alcohol I stop and drink water instead. Then I listen to these old dudes (not OLD, but relatively) talk about how the profession's going down the tubes, how the business model is so fucked up, how the US entry for the Shanghai Expo is utter shit (and not even designed by an American!) and then there's a pause and I just utter "Fuck." They laugh and one of them pats me on the back and I say Jeez I have a year and a half left and what the fuck I have to finish but this is what I'm getting into?

I talk to my boss about the fear that has set in, how I feel dumb and ignorant when listening to architects architecting. I get back to work, then talk a little more, say something like I wish we'd gotten high instead of tipsy and he laughs. I shake off the feeling, I pack up my things, I get ready to go. I leave, I walk to my car, I find my first parking ticket ever. Sixty bucks. Fuck it, I'm gonna pay it. It's like I paid the day for not getting any work done. Does that even make sense? No matter. I came home, had corned beef, cabbage and potatoes for dinner, I'm packing for SF, and getting out of here for a weekend. Take everything with a grain of salt, and appreciate what you've got.

erin go bragh

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Here is a four leaf clover I found in my lawn for you. If all goes well, I'll be scarfing corned beef & cabbage & taters for supper today. Either with me mam or with one of my friends, if I don't work too late tonight. And if I were at home I'd be watching The Departed and the Boondock Saints while reading Finnegan's Wake on the side. Jealous of my sister being in Boston for St. Paddy's! Yeah I'm just being obnoxious now. I'm listening to Celtic punk a la The Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, & The Young Dubliners as well as some 'real' Irish tunes while doing my 9 to 5. Hurrah!

WORK IS PLAY

SCREW YOU WALLPAPER MAG! if this were true for everybody, that'd be pretty cool. Actually, that would make the world a utopia, and you know how that turns out... I don't mean to give off pessimistic vibes. I just think the sentiment should be tweaked to something like "Work can BE like Play" haha oh god, my silly thoughts after a long day.

I'm worried about the future. Kids these days are horrible. They shoot their mouths off, are spoiled rotten, they're stupid, rude and ridiculous, but not in the cute endearing way. In a class of 12 kindergardeners only one charms me with his brightness, though he still irritates me at times. I know I shouldn't let little 5 year-olds get to me but it's the entire picture - the apathy or ineptitude of their parents to raise them right, will inevitably turn these horrible 5 year-olds into horrible selfish teenagers into horrible adults running the world. But I always forget that I live in a bubble full of spoiled rich people, and I always speak in generalizations - these kids will probably (hopefully) get better as they mature. So ignore, ignore, ignore me.

old friends, bookends.

Maybe the stars were lined up just right tonight or something, because earlier this evening while on facebook a friend of mine from KL starts chatting with me and our ease of making conversation made me wish I had hung out with her more while I was overseas. Then a pop from a peer from school whom I haven't had a serious conversation with in ages, greets me with a morose "hana, why are people lame?" which then leads to about an hour of catching up and talking about our respective significant others. Another pop and it's my best friend from middle/high school that I roomed with last year, talking about her boy situation, and discussing other tricky matters along that vein. Pop, it's one of my closer buddies from school and we start up a videochat and we yell and complain and laugh and make idiotic faces and lament that we are both jobless bums who sleep in too much most of our days. Amidst all that wholesome goodness and the inevitable feel-good feelings that arise from re-connecting with people, there are other instances that confuse me and make me hesitant about whether or not holding on to strings is good or a waste of time, which then leads to how I'll sever ties much too quickly and then when the other person tries to reconnect it's decidedly an awkward struggle on my end.

To put it simply, one of the contacts was a girl I was pretty much "besties" with throughout high school - we stood next to each other in choir, sat together at lunch, played on the same water polo/swim teams, watched movies every weekend and scribbled notes to each other which we would pass off to each other during breaks between classes. I enjoyed her company, but we never made a deeper connection in terms of girlie sleepovers and plots to snare boys or whatever. I knew for a fact she was having a blast with her 'closer' group of friends over the past winter break (facebook newsfeed, wooo I know) while we were both at home, and all during that time I didn't hear a word from her. I had reconciled myself with the fact that the last time we had hung out we were so different that we were kind of struggling for a common subject to discuss (she's at U of O, in a sorority, very active etc.) while I'm the architecture anti-nerd slacker constantly trying to find herself - and when our half-hearted attempts to meet up at another time fell through, I dropped the social obligation of keeping up an old friendship that had massively changed.

It's very difficult. I severed ties with another girl from high school my freshman year of college after a falling-out she had with my sister - long story short, she had only ever approached me when she was in need of emotional support but never reciprocated (such a child!) and I haven't heard from her since. So when the state of a friendship with someone is tacitly neutral, does one let it forever float in limbo until it grows into something more or disintegrates into something less. Part of me figures, life's short, let it lie, but at the same time I'll be thinking "Life is WAY too short, figure out what's important to you and jettison what isn't."

But then there are those people who inevitably stay in your life, whether you like it or not. And they probably always will bob in and out of contact with you. One such person wants me to go see him in Chicago, and I want to catch up with this person I haven't seen in two years, but I don't know if I should go flipping pages through a book I had tried to close off a long time ago.

In the end, I think whatever happens - as long as I am true to who I am (cliché as it is) I can learn from all these re-connections, and figure things out about other people, then learn more about myself...