happy 19th!

Dear Sistersaur,

Happy 19th birthday! I know this is sort of a nothing age, but you are reaching the years of "real" adulthood much faster than you think, so enjoy youth while you are there!

Since I know you are a lass of refined and particular tastes, (and because there is no way in hell I can afford anything crafted by Ann Demeulemeester/Rick Owens) I can only humbly offer to treat you out to a day of thrifting/flea market adventuring where you could hopefully find a leather jacket/boots/metal trinkets that your heart would so desire. (Let's do that soon.)

Or, I'll just provide you with your own personal herd of wild buffalo. An endless supply of meat + leather, fur & cuddles!

And of course, because after all this gallivanting you will thirst like a heathen, I will procure a bottle of Jack to help quench your thirst.

Happy Birthday Y, I wish you an amazing one. ♥

last night with nate & stella

Last year Nate and I started a tradition between ourselves of going up to the top of one of the buildings on campus with a six pack of Stella Artois to share, to savor or guzzle up in the late night air while talking about ourselves, our thoughts and feelings, what any college student or person with feelings would talk about to another person out in the open sky. Up on that rooftop I realized that he is one of a few people I truly trust and believe in, which is funny because when I first made his acquaintance I thought he was seriously too obnoxious and ridiculous to ever become friends with. So last night with another pack of Stella we went to that building and lo and behold, it was completely locked. With no way to go up we made do with one of the cave-like spaces of the old cinema building, and after sitting and chatting in our hideout for two hours, we broke into the music school and jammed in one of the practice rooms on the pianos - Nate playing and me singing along. It was perfect.

typewritten

an irreparable tear caused by the letter "c"

Just a few weeks ago a poster tube arrived at my home, but by then I had already moved in and started school. The sender was none other than Max, and he'd meant to have it in my hands before I started classes, but since I missed it, I didn't get to open it for another week until my sister brought it to me from home. I opened the tube and inside there were two pieces of paper - one small lined leaf torn from a little notebook and one continuous six page length of old accounting spreadsheets, carefully rolled up and nursing a tear. 6 typewritten pages condensing the last 9 and 1/2 months since I last saw him.

You crazy bastard, now you respond to me!

changes

Essential polaroids that hang on my wall every year, but lately are threatening to peel off due to heat and bad tape.

It's September already?

Dumping out the contents of my mind starting...now.

- Today's studio desk crit had me fully cognizant of what I need to tackle for this pinhole camera apparatus project, and it feels great.
- The perks of working for the big guys on campus include delicious food that your bosses save for you after important meetings because they think you deserve it/know you are a starving college student.
- I'm back on track with the boy, for better times and a greater understanding of each other, I think.
- The fires all over Los Angeles and lack of sleep are leaving me exhausted and wheezing. I hope it's just the ash in the air and not a full-on sickness taking over my body.

I'm so tired and energized at the same time, because for the first time I feel like I am on track. Better posts ahead, promise!

there's no place like home...

...but oh, how I already miss Malaysia/Asia.

countdown...

5:30 pm on August 9th in Malaysia:

- 3 hours to my next meal.
- 5 hours since my last meal.
- 6 hours it took to build my freakin' topography in Rhino.
- 36 hours since clubbing all night at Zouk (more on that later, maybe).
- 41 hours left to work on take home final essays for Arch 316, 424, 425, 426.
- 81 hours til I turn 21.
- 88 hours to deadline.
- 96 hours to deciding whether to pass out for the night or go out again.
- 124 hours to KLIA, boarding a plane and coming home!

Exhausted, exasperated, exhilarated, energized, excited.
!!!

realization

I've figured out why architecture has been such a struggle for me.

All my life drawing has been second nature to me. As soon as I could pick up a pencil, a crayon, a marker I've been drawing things from life, from imagination, always drawing. Architecture isn't so different from art, people say. In a way they're right but at the same time they are so, so wrong. Thinking spatially on a large scale is highly different from creating landscapes, figures and scenery from your head. Envisioning a three dimensional object that works programmatically, spatially, functionally and beautifully is a long, difficult process. For me, at least. Visual art and illustration come to me as readily as breathing. Architecture is more like craning my neck, turning my head and straining my eyes to see something far off into the distance. Not the best analogy, but it's something I really have to work hard on, and even so I am usually never satisfied with the results.

Maybe a part of me resents the fact that architecture ISN'T second nature to me. I don't feel like I've poured my soul into any of my works at school and I believe that is one of the roots of the problem. However, after having Thom Mayne of Morphosis sit on my jury for my final project this past semester, I had more hope for myself after listening to his critique. After pointing out a few key areas I could have developed more, he told me my project was simple, elegant, and beautiful. Which is one of the greatest compliments anyone can hope to receive in any field of design. To know I hadn't utterly failed in the eyes of someone whom I consider one of the finest contemporary architects of today, means something, means so much.

I'm always worried that because I possess a short attention span for things, (which comes more out of finding interest in other things & overlapping/overriding the previous interest - than being flighty/uncommitted) architecture is not for me. The profession of creating monuments, structures and master plans of cities requires a lifelong dedication and passion, and for someone who's more of a free spirit I feel so weighed down and doomed, yet also excited about this - because there definitely can be lightness and playfulness to architecture.

I hate giving up though. When something really matters to me I start what I finish regardless of what my personality compels me to do. I'm three and a half years into my education at USC for architecture, and there's no stopping me now. Whatever happens, whatever path I choose to take, I'm going to pour myself into what I do, mostly out of love for what it is I do and also because I will not let myself fail. In anything.

sleepytime

There are kittens and cats that live in the kitchen alley right by my housing complex - the laziest cats I have ever seen. They don't even bother going after the rats that thrive there!

I hope to sleep like this little kitten tonight. snoooze.

The Fifth Element (1997)

The Fifth Element is one of those movies that is rooted deep in my childhood/adolescent years (which seems to be a recurring theme in most of my posts this summer - byproduct of being homesick). I watched it again recently when I had some downtime and I realized I hadn't properly said anything about it here. Anyway, for some reason during the late 90's it was always on TV on the weekends and my sister and I would plop ourselves down on the floor/couch to watch. At first it was a cheesy guilty pleasure - I'd laugh at the slow, dim-witted Mangalores, be utterly bewildered by the insanity of the costumes (all designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier!), and overall just wondered who could pull off making this insane movie.

With repeat viewings it really started to grow on me - all the little details (cigarettes that are mostly filter to help you quit, an automatic Chanel makeup kit), the rich scenery and atmosphere, the memorable characters, all make for an amazing cult classic. Milla Jovovich, fantastic as the divine being Leeloo, Bruce Willis of course as the badass former Special Forces turned cab-driver Korben Dallas, Gary Oldman as one of my favorite villains Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, Chris Tucker as flamboyant radio personality Ruby Rhod, and Iam Holm as Father Vito Cornelius - all give perfect performances that make the Fifth Element a rich, cohesive whole.

(architectural) highlights from Singapore

(apologies for the obvious lack of a wide-angle)

1. Illuma Shopping Centre
2. La Salle College of the Arts
3. The Durian(s)
4. Henderson Waves
5. Green Roof at Nanyang Technology University.

The parting shot of Singapore, which exists only in my mind now, is passing under a Calatrava bridge on the bus ride out...!

the forest, it glows

We went to a mountainous part of Malaysia today to see timber post-and-beam architecture.

I've never seen pine trees growing alongside plants like hibiscus, palms, twirly vines, and other tropicals with enormous leaves. It's surreal. The Malaysian students were enamored with the pine cones so I have decided that once I return to the States I will ship over a box to them.

missing Mammoth...

Around this time of year my family and I go up to Mammoth Lakes for our annual summer fishing trip. The past few years it's just been me and my stepdad fishing, and last year was the first time my sister didn't come up with us (more on that later). I did talk to my stepdad on the phone earlier today though... and I think he might make a second Mammoth trip for us when I return from Malaysia! fingers crossed.

sleep deprivation

These days I can't sleep before 3am, been that way for the past two weeks. This mild insomnia is giving me canker sores and a perpetually cranky disposition; the lack of sunlight in the morning throws my circadian rhythm into nonexistence. I sleep better when I've had 3 hours of sleep rather than 6, my body is sore and tired after hours of being awake yet I go back to my bed, lying in the dark, to repeat this same cycle over again.

I think I am finally experiencing the effects of being so tired, so far away from home. ah well, 18 days.

BONE (Jeff Smith)

Last week while moseying around the Mid Valley Megamall out here in KL, killing time before watching the latest Harry Potter movie, I happened upon a sweet little comic book store, simply called Comics Mart, and did some much-needed browsing.

I considered picking up from where I left off on Neil Gaiman's Sandman (I've only read up to the third volume, Dream Country, tsk tsk) but since I would like to own The Absolute Sandman I refrained, and then, being unfamiliar with the setup of the store, asked the man at the front desk if they carried BONE. I could've sworn his ears perked up at my question, and one of the other guys there goes "Bone! You like that one right?" and he replies, half to himself and half to me, "Yes, it is my favorite."

I pick up the first two volumes and the other guy chirps "What are you gonna do now that she's getting those two!" And the other one says "I have my own copies of Bone!" and with a smile rings up my purchase. He asks me if I'm a local and I say no, I'm visiting from the U.S. but staying here a month longer, so he gives me a card with a stamp for every 25RM I spend, and stamps and initials three boxes. I tell him I'll be back for the rest later and he smiles, says nice meeting you, and see you soon!

Sweet! I tore through those two books fast, and just yesterday went back to pick up the next three volumes. I didn't tarry long, I just went in and picked up and left, but next time I think I'll stay and talk to the owner a little longer. He reminds me of one of the guys in charge of my favorite comic book store back home, how crazy is that?

So I haven't actually said much about BONE - it began and became popular in the 90's, is a sweeping saga much like Lord of the Rings, what with a cute humble protagonist Fone Bone, an anthropomorphic bone character, and fantastic beasts including talking bugs, rat creatures, and dragons! BONE isn't only epic though, it's funny. Fone Bone has two cousins, Phonciple P. (Phoney) Bone and Smiley Bone, and all three of them are trying to find their way back home to Boneville, where Phoney was chased out of, dragging with him his two cousins. Won't say much more now - I am halfway through the series. In between journeys to studio and class I'm always thinking about when I can make my next trip to the Megamall, hehe.

eclipse

photos from here

I wish I could have seen this, being in Malaysia and all. The cloud cover was too thick that morning.

I miss this.

night run. photo by Dan.

I'm itching to shoot in film again.

I miss photoruns, late-night movie marathons and comic book swapping with my best friend Dan. Photoruns with some of my best friends from high school. Not just on account of this trip - I've been shooting solo since maybe January or February. Friend way down south of L.A., friend on the opposite side of the U.S., friend finishing school and starting LIFE.

I know that many times I've grown complacent and boring as a person in the company of some of these people. It's time to change that, because life's too short to laze around all the time.

Dan if you are reading this: we have about six months of catching up to do. I just hope you have time for me!

in the heat of the day

All photos by Ryan McGinley.

I've been waiting for the right time to feature some of his photos. His work has a dream-like, ethereal quality - mostly playful and spontaneous seeming, totally surrendering to the moment. He shot an amazing set of photos called "I Know Where The Summer Goes" last year I think and I wish I could have seen the exhibition. He also shot a stunning series of portraits of the 2008 Oscar nominees for New York Times Magazine, which was the first time in a long time I'd been floored by photos of celebrities.

It always seems to rain on Tuesdays in KL (at least it has for the past two weeks) and after a thunderstorm finishes the intense humidity sets in. Which reminds me of lazy summer days where I would climb a tree and daydream, then crawl back down for a glass of ice water, then maybe sit indoors and read a book with my toes resting on the air conditioning vent.

notes:
- The night market outside of my student housing I'm always talking about earned triple extra points today - there's a "thrift store booth" that I scoured earlier this evening and I got about 6 items for 30 RM, which is about 8 bucks. (The dress code is strict at school so I have to cover up). So the dry spell of thrifting has been broken.
- I got lunch for 14.50 RM today, as opposed to the usual 5. A $4 meal compared to $1.30, you don't say. $4 is super cheap compared to prices back home but if I can eat for $1.30 why go for $4? Ah, I definitely do not miss L.A. prices.
- I keep listening to music I listened to from last year/two years ago and it makes me yearn for home/think about things I would do over. thinking about home is normal, thinking of what I would've done differently, ugh, needs to stop.

happy birthday

One of my favorite possessions - a Polaroid from the 1970's of my stepdad TC on the driving range. He is more of a father to me than my own paternal father is, and arm in arm with my mother means the entire world to me.

From one OG (hahaha) to another, happy birthday, TC.

♥