happy

Jon accidentally snapped this photo of me yesterday, and it's so perfect. I love that it is slightly out of focus and that I'm smiling not knowing the picture's about to be taken. So in obvious words it's 100% candid and captures careless, free, unfettered joy, which I only experience when I'm among certain people. Well to rephrase, there are a few people I can be completely at ease with and when I touch base with those people I'm myself more than ever; my sanity becomes restored. Lately I've been feeling a push and pull of my personality amongst different circles of people - which sounds bad, but I think it's a survival instinct to keep from going crazy, to only deal with conflict when absolutely necessary. I was starting to feel stale from bouncing off the same individuals all the time, losing momentum and rotting in unremarkable complacency. I think the new job is shaking me out of that mentality, since there's a hyper-barrage of interactions being made every day. It's a good fix, a refresher, but I wonder when I will be able to grow a new layer and find that same ease with someone whom I don't go back with for at least 8+ years. It's a matter of time and...meaningful connections. I'm just glad that I realized I can be totally free amongst a handful of individuals. They have no idea how grateful I am for them.