down, but not out

This year has been a doozy so far, and even on the last day of the month I feel like I'm running on vapors. It's been a hell of a time with a bum foot, trying not to go stir crazy staying off it, then hobbling around once the swelling and bruising goes down. Slowly but surely it's on the mend, after the first two weeks of full ice baths, lots of Advil every day and elevating/staying off it.

Other notable "injuries" have been in the vein of relationships - ones that need pruning, fertilization, elimination. There really comes a time when you notice you've outgrown a person, and depending on the wants and needs of each party, and how the overall dynamic is, you begin to realize what steps need to be taken to continue on or part ways in the best manner. Sacrificing your own feelings of contentment or happiness for the sake of another is never acceptable once it starts to go only one way. For friendships, romantic relationships, professional relationships. Never go out of your way for anyone unless you know it is really being appreciated. I could go on, but for the sake of toning down a rant/lecture that no one wants to hear, I will keep it at that. Know your worth and your limits, know your weaknesses, work on improving those lesser qualities, and be good to yourself.

Happy New Year.

desert riding

Thursday evening after work, a quick trip to the store for victuals and a half hour of frenzied packing, I hopped into a truck lugging a trailer of motorcycles and discarded/salvaged Christmas trees and went with Andy and Kyle to their usual campsite east of the Salton Sea. We pitched the tent by candle-(flash) light and I fell asleep inside while the others caught up with their old friends who had already been on site since earlier that day.

In the morning I went on a bleary-eyed walk with Andy, yawning and shuffling along through the desert already blazing with the sun's heat at 8 AM. We picked up rocks and discussed the coming activities for the day, and Andy described the lay of the land as we crunched along.

Andy showed me how to start up, and shift gears on a quadrunner, and I puttered around in the stretch of the canyon, getting stuck in a bush and backing out of it, and getting used to steering this funny teal 4-wheeled ATV with a Misfits sticker on its front. A few hours later, everyone was ready for a ride and, after searching for a particular canyon campsite, we went on to Lookout Point. It was tricky to get up there, and I did alright that day (but the next day wouldn't be the same story...!). Everyone in the party had years of motorcycling experience so it was exhilarating and intimidating seeing everyone in their element out there.

We made it back and as I took off my helmet and gloves, I noticed my hair thick and gritty with the dust it picked up on the ride. Andy noticed it too and chimed, "I've decided I rather like you with grey hair!" Unrelated to that comment, it stayed pretty grey for the rest of the weekend.

small steps

Walking around at flea markets is one of my favorite ways to de-stress, which sounds ironic because the entire mindset of getting that deal or finding that coveted piece before the next person does would seem inherently stressful. And that's sort of the case, but the best thrifters/vintage fiends I've witnessed are the ones who, when they are seconds too late to score that perfect honey-colored wood armoire, dramatically wail at the loss and then gleefully move on to continue the hunt. It's pretty wonderful to see people happy to be walking around aisles and aisles of junk and treasure and wondering who will go home with what.

I wasn't really on the lookout for anything today, but I picked up these floppy natural history-themed handbooks and the tools in the first image. My favorite find of the day is the fish toenail-clipper/bottle opener... such a "man's item."Amazing and gross! So when I wasn't dropping a dollar or two on these goodies I was watching well-dressed young scruffy hip types picking up beautiful rustic decor items, older ladies with push-carts lined with pillows for their tiny, feathery, yet well-behaved dogs, watching all the dogs (SO many wonderful dogs today) walking nicely, or snapping at others, or treading along nonchalantly with their equally nonchalant owners. My eyes glazed over at all the stalls, so I was seeing everything, yet not really seeing too much either. And it was wonderful.

Other things that helped lift my mood today: this succulent "bouquet" of mostly echeverias that Andy brought to me when he came back home for break. It's been sitting on my kitchen table without any water as I'm waiting for them to callous before I stick them into some dirt. This is technically the first time anyone (meaning a boy) has given me a bouquet!

It's an amazing coincidence that two gifts I received this holiday season were a book on 'the plants that create the world's great drinks' and a remarkably written guide to craft beer. I've been reading both interchangeably, and gaining a wealth of knowledge as it were, that I hope I can retain. It is time to fold up a little now, to reflect and ruminate on all things bad and good, to hold some energy to myself now.

2013 ---> 2014

2013 was an odd year. It started off on a heavy note and it didn't help that I had been extremely unhappy with who I was for many months leading into it. The following months were an exercise in dealing with loneliness and steering myself away from being too emotionally dependent on anyone.

Part of this process included attending lots and lots of shows. Mostly old favorites multiple times, one (small) music festival, a few free concerts made possible by generous friends, or from winning an online contest (!!!).

Work continued to be full of new and challenging experiences, though the pendulum continues to swing between architecture and development, with little swings that go fully off the axis (escape to the wilderness, build a log cabin & Thoreau it; draw/paint/carve/ART etc.). Ah well, I'm still learning a lot, but I feel like big decisions are inevitably looming ahead, waiting to be made.

I made some stupid decisions this past year, too. Nothing too life-shattering, but ones that definitely threw me down a couple of rungs and made me generally wary about trusting my feelings too readily with another person. Misinterpretations with one person led to our not talking for several months, but after a bit of cooling off, the friendship is back on track. Getting in too quickly with another person who had no idea what they wanted was a few weeks through the wringer that took months to get over.

Some good came out of the crazy, though. Looking forward to having some solid adventures with this kooky fellow :)

A friend asked me if I have any major goals for this year, and I replied "Be more adventurous, exercise more creativity and actually start/finish projects, be less careful/more aggressive about everything." How delightfully general this all sounds, but I have all the specifics in my mind. Also the common theme here is "MORE." So here's to more picture-taking, picture-making, blog-posting, less giving-a-shit about how all of this is coming off, and doing bigger things. Yes. Happy 2014.